10 Things I have learn in my journey to adulthood...
This month I have decided to focus on health. But health isn't just about your physical wellness, but about your emotional well being also. I am not the greatest when it comes to keeping myself positive and upbeat, however, I would consider myself as having a good understanding of what I need to be successful, and a very high awareness of myself and others' emotional state.
I have learned how to take care of myself from a very young age, and I don't mean to bash parents, they did the best that they know how to do. However, sometimes their best wasn't good enough to create healthy children. I lived in crisis for the final developmental years into adulthood.
All this to say, once I went off to higher education I began to watch how my peers that came from slightly healthier homes have a self assuredness that the rest of us, didn't even know how to comprehend. But I tried. I people watched very diligently, and learned from my psychology classes, child education and development, and loads of self induced reading of social science. I wanted to know what made people so confident, and so successful, I knew that somehow it wasn't just something that they were born with (though a slight percent of the population is so lucky), but rather something that they had learned, and were taught.
Through my education I was able to grow as person than I had living at home, and after completing my degree, I felt fairly confident in my own judgement, so much so that I went against my parents wishes and married a fine young man, who championed all the desires of my heart, and the dreams in my head. I had a new assuredness that I knew what I was doing, but just to make sure that this was not just a delayed reaction of teenage rebellion (which can happen if someone had been really repressed during adolescence), I sought the counsel from other adults that I had come to respect deeply. Referring to both happiness in their marriage and social lives, to their economically sound lifestyle. These adults became my cheerleaders, and trusted mothers and fathers, that I could share my joys and my fears, and yet I knew that the words I receive from them in return did not make feel small nor inexperienced, but rather challenged, championed, and loved.
I am ever grateful to these couples that took my husband and I under their wing and blessed us with all the wisdom that they had learned throughout the years on life.
These honorary parents in my life taught me the basics to be a healthy adult. And though I know the basic principle, everyday I find myself still learning and refining the tools that I have been given. These tools include, but are no way limited to the following;
- Make sure that you know who you are
- Sounds simple, but truly do you know who you are?
- Do you know what you stand for at the end of the day?
- If someone was to ask you why you get out of bed each morning, do you know?
- This might be found within the question -what makes you come alive?
- Bless when you can bless
- Truly, giving to others is better than getting!
- But not just physical things, you can give kind words!
- Remember how a random comment can make or break your day, make someone else's!
- Listening is better than speaking
- Just listen to what they are saying, do not think about your response
- What does this tell you about this person?
- Learning is better than assuming
- There are many reasons why we do the things that we do
- Ask about actions, and what people mean by certain word they use -the answers may surprise you!
- Giving mercy, before turning to judgement
- What is the reason that they respond a certain way?
- What struggle are they working through?
- How can I champion them during the process?
- Know when to say "yes" and know when to say "no"
- Again, another easy concept, but difficult for the head to embrace
- When you give your "yes" let it be 110% -give everything you can do it, and do it well with excellence!
- When you lay down your "no" let it be firm -don't second guess yourself, you know how much you can handle
- Don't take on more than you can mange -If your "yes" are getting sloppy, its best to bet that you need to cut back and make some of them "no's!"
- Value yourself
- This seems to be the hardest for those of us who grow up with feeling valued
- Truth -you are valuable
- If you are living, you have the opportunity to bring something great to this world
- Believe that you are important... and if you can't believe that yet, ask someone to who loves you to help champion you in this belief
- At the end of the day -what is it really?
- Don't be too hard on yourself
- There is always another day
- If things go wrong and it seems to be the largest crisis in the world! -Remember it to shall pass
- Carpe Diem
- Seize the day!
- Don't live in regret because you let the moment pass
- Do something that you have always wanted to do -stop making excuses and do it!
- As the Beatles said; "All you need is love."
- Extend love as though it cost you nothing, but realize that it will cost you everything
Now just to clarify, I did not mean to go as deep as I did when I began to write this blog. But as I began to process this, I felt that it was important that I share the journey with you. Thank you for reading!